there are two main idiom sort of phrases that refer to girls in the korean language: 여우같은 여자 (girls as foxes) or 곰 같은 여자 (girls as bears).
they have positive and negative connotations to both, but the first knee-jerk response from my gut is that both are negative. i mean, that’s the dominant story of both of these idioms.
girls being referred to as foxes imply that they are conniving, deceitful and dishonest. these girls have the image of being playful and even seductive. it’s the girls portrayed in popular media—the girls boys like to date, but not necessarily keep. these are the girls that bring drama fo yo mama. this image is personified and then stigmatized with the legendary monster in the korean folk tales: 구미호, aka the nine-tailed fox. this fox often take the form of women, can shape shift to confuse and bewitch men into love before turning back to foxes at night and eating his liver. talk about being subtle.
girls being referred to as bears imply that they are steady and patient—maybe even slow. these are the girls that are naive and self-sacrificing. these are the girls that men marry because they make good wives and mothers, but not necessarily good lovers. these are the good girls who will wait for you to come home after a night out in the town with other men friends and the gi-saengs in the bars, the flower that will sit and home and look pretty. the epitome of perfect mother who will bear you many sons. good for your family but boring. this image is more saintly—and therefore better than the other image. but still. less than ideal.
feeling the bind, anyone? girls can’t aspire to a full life being fully loved when restricted to these two images… and i think this sort of dichotomy exists in many patriarchal cultures in some shape or form, including america.
okay, with that out of the can, i am having lots of different internal reactions and questions that surface. such as:
why are both images negative? why are both so restricting and why are they both in relation to men? what does this say about the status of women in the society that holds these idioms in their language? what does this mean about the construction of social systems and social fabric that we (i) live in today? etc etc etc.
i could easily diverge into a feminist rant about these ideas, but that’s not why i opened this up today. i’ve opened this up because i was reflecting on my self and the image i have of myself. the fox? or the bear?
(i mean, i guess this question in and of itself is “oppressive” because i have to divide and categorize myself into one—and therefore restricting who i am and who i can be, but stay with this thought process with me for a minute.)
i think i’m a fox trapped in a bear mask.
there are all these parts of me that naturally do or say things that would be identified as fox-like qualities. but this image of bear has been ingrained in me as the better, the right image to be as a good, honest woman. i’ve oppressed myself in it, molding myself and trying to be it so much for so long, that i don’t know how to be comfortable in my own skin; in my own sometimes fox-like, sometimes bear-like self.
all women are foxes and all women are bears. we hold both together in our skin—it’s what we choose to reveal, what we choose to feed and grow, what we choose to flex and show.
there is a need to re-learn how to be a full woman, learn how to choose both.
i mean isn’t this what feminism is all about? it’s about having a choice to make your own choice. having freedom to be whoever you want to be, without the oppressive voices telling you that it’s wrong or right. having the space to be who you choose to be, and being allowed to pay the cost of existing.
feminism is not about rejecting responsibility or consequences of our existence as women in this world. it’s not about demanding that people shouldn’t care about our choices or are not affected by our existence because they are. they will be affected by the way we choose to be, the way we choose to relate, the way we choose to act and react.
feminism is about empowering ourselves, empowering our gender to make choices, take on those consequences and deal with them in a community. whether we are faced with disapproval or approval, that we face them together and not in isolation. that we stand in solidarity, us women. that’s what feminism is about.
it’s also about empowering others who are being silenced, whose choices and freedom are taken away. to help them feel the same empowerment we desire. to give voice and make room for new meanings, different options, unique paths…
ultimately,
girls. be comfortable in your own skin. you can be both a bear and a fox.
(re-post from my personal blog, 3/15/2011)
